Mothers, work and the guilt factor Many working mothers long for fulltime motherhood, new research from Mother & Baby magazine suggests. Here, Karen Pasquali-Jones, editor of the magazine and mother of one, speaks from experience about the childcare challenge “ Guilt is the biggest thing every working mother has to contend with. Once you're a mother every person has an opinion about what you should be doing, even the woman on the bus will be tutting at you, telling you how to do things. When I went back to work some of my colleagues kept asking me how I coped and offered sympathy. It was like they were talking to someone whose grandmother had just died. But I like being at work, I like the juggling act, I like the best of both worlds.
But I also know mothers who have decided not to work who feel embarrassed about saying that they're just a Mum or just a housewife. Both camps think they're stigmatised. It's really stupid, everybody should feel happy doing what they want to do, but it's not like that.
'Torn in half'
The hardest thing is days like today. It's days when you've planned your diary, your appointments; you've worked 18 years to be in the position you're in. Then the baby is sick. Baby just wants mummy - even daddy won't do. But I'm not here 100%, I give him Calpol and hope he'll go back to sleep. Then I feel guilty about that. I have a commitment and loyalty to my job, I want to do my job well. It tears you in half and you think: "Oh my God, something has to give."
I can't do either thing to the best of my ability. Every way you feel guilty and torn.
I'm one of the privileged ones - I chose to go back to work. Most women don't have a choice - they have to go back for financial reasons. Many of those women will say the hardest thing is the financial dilemmas or trying to keep their husbands happy too and finding their sex life has gone to pot. It's getting so stressed that they're shouting at the husband and children all the time because there's just too much on their plate.
‘No crèche’
I'm one of the privileged ones because my husband is happy to share everything. But it's still really hard. Every moment is planned for both me and my husband from the moment we wake up. Cleaning baby's teeth, cleaning my teeth, changing the nappy - twice, changing my suit because it's got vomit on it, running to the nursery, running to the tube. Every minute of every day is timed. It's hard financially, emotionally, practically. And we've only got one. The government says workplaces need to be more flexible and provide for working mums. But there's no crèche at my work and I have to go to private nursery and pay half my salary. One in 10 mothers work for nothing, spending all their money on childcare, running just to stand still. But at a certain point in your career - when you're just one promotion away from your dream job - then it seems crazy to give up. It's so hard. But it is worth it.
Having a baby is the best thing I've ever done in my life ”
Article courtesy of the BBC
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